I really liked THE PACT. I did – it came from out of nowhere and was genuinely creepy and atmospheric and had some cool slo-mo scenes. It also introduced us to Caity Lotz, had the STARSHIP TROOPER in it and had a little dose of Agnes Bruckner in there who, you know, I <3 <3 <3 <3. Kind of like the first time you ever came across Tim over at beermovie.net – strange but sleek, bright but creepy, standing over your body while you sleep… you know – arousing yet testicle-retraction scary. That kind of feeling! You like it so much that you revisit it every now and then, even if you might encounter some sort of stool loosening avarice, leaving you soiled, yet pleased in your decision making. What the fuck is going on here and how many beers have I had? Oh well – THE PACT 2 wasn’t very good and by that I mean it had some good moments but one of the actors was just fucking weird and I would like to meet and publicly slap whoever did the score. When I first saw it come around on iTunes it was available for like 14.99 USD to RENT and I asked our friend Ryan about it and he said “For 15 dollars it better come with a BJ” and since I can’t remember which post we did those comments are, here’s a link to a random post of his that I quite liked.
This thing starts off interestingly enough with a fucking weird looking and sounding FBI profiler arriving at the scene of a grisly murder (above). Above the dead lady are the words “HE SHOWED ME THE WAY” written in blood. “It’s The Judas Killer” murmurs someone, referencing the serial killer from the first one. I didn’t know what any of that meant because I don’t remember him being called The Judas Killer in the first one but I pressed on and then the 1950’s Be-Bop music started playing and I looked for a way to turn off the music like I do the games I play on my iPad but I couldn’t find anything and every time that god dammed brush tapped on the fucking drum my nerves were worked and my teeth started grinding and I almost gave up on everything. But then this scene happened:
and I thought it was really creepy and done really well and I got interested again. But then I quickly got uninterested and people who don’t smoke had zippos and there were implied ghosts and seance things and no one’s boobs got out and that weird FBI guy kept showing up with his weird googly eyes and I fucked around and got a triple double. Did I really get a triple double? I really did because I GOT GAME!
Eventually, in keeping with the motif of just doing the same thing as the much better first one, they bring in the psychic girl for a few minutes (which was a huge tease from the trailer):
But she’s not there for much other than a lame set-up for a third one. And when I say “lame” I mean they could have done that a MUCH better way than that stupid phone call (that’s no big spoiler). Oh, and she crunks a lot…. fucked up on all that ‘Tussin. Work that ass, baby! Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. Seriously, the scene in the still below could have been something incredible (maybe not incredible so much) or even a franchise encouraging moment but it falls flat because: if it’s the dude who’s doing all of the killing why is Judas guy cuddling up all over her? And what’s with the big carpet ripping business other than ripping off the first one??? We’re NOT that dumb, Production Company. UGH
I REALLY do think this could have been so much better. I don’t know if it was the direction or the producers or the studio or just the ineptitude to put something out quick or what but this one just didn’t work out for me. You know, like when you were in high school and went to a party with underage drinking and you made out with this chick and it was fucking awesome and then went around doing other things and then you made out again but she had to go throw up and then she came back to where you were passing out on the couch and she wanted to make out again after she threw up so you gave it a shot and it was really not that great. That’s how you might feel after this one.
P.S. That poster sucks.
